… you know the kind.
Other suggested answers to Junior’s question:
1. He didn’t “have to” - Daddy was a patriot who liked his country enough to shoot people who threatened it, Junior.
2. He didn’t “have to” - Daddy was a peculiar guy who didn’t see anything wrong with shooting people for money. It was just a job, Junior.
3. He didn’t “have to” - Daddy was an idiot, Junior. He didn’t read the job description and thought he was joining the circus. Hopefully you won’t grow up half as stupid.
4. Did I mention how much fun your father and I used to have? We’d go out and party all night, get high and have kinky sex with strangers, and everything was so cool… then you came along and ruined everything. Your father wasn’t sure you were his, and couldn’t stand all the crying, diaper-changing, lack of sleep, and responsibility. He ran off and joined up when you were six months old, and I’ve barely seen him since… now I never will. When I can afford a babysitter all I do is sit in the airport bar and try to get picked up by scumbags who run as soon as they find out I have a kid. Oh, I hate you…
5. Those ****ing Columbians should get all my money? **** that, kid!
Sorry, wasn’t Afghanistan the world’s top opium producer throughout the 90s (and wouldn’t it probably have been the world’s top opium producer in the 80s, too, but for having been grabbed by the Soviets?), before the Taliban took over and started killing anyone who spent any time doing anything but groveling in the street and/or mosque (and dynamiting ancient Buddhist statuary)? Why, yes, I think it was. In New England in the early-to-mid 90s there were quite a number of deaths - junkies surprised to find that what they had on their hands was, in fact, increasingly pure heroin for the same old price, instead of the stepped-on crap they were used to booting. After a few months word got around and dosages were apparently adjusted accordingly. Sure, you might call this bad news for manufacturers of various white powders that don’t get anyone high, but hey, cry me a river.
The implicit argument here is that Afghanistan and the rest of the world were better off in that 2 or 3 year period when the Taliban was busy slaughtering its citizens… because opium production was down! And as we all know, it’s better to stand by and let a hundred swarthy people (do they even qualify as people?) be tortured and killed than jeopardize one white guy… who volunteered to put himself in jeopardy!
Oh, the ass-clownery!